Last night I did something I haven't done in a long time. It made me want to jump for joy and cry at the same time. I went to bed... without pumping. It's true. I did it, and damnit, it felt great. Sort of.
Our little man is an eating machine. He eats anything that isn't nailed down and asks (no, screams) for more. He even tries to eat the stuff that IS nailed down. He's constantly on the move and trying to get him to stop for a bottle has been... well... a challenge. He's been flat out refusing his bottles, no matter what is in them. I tried when he's really hungry, when he's really sleepy, when I think he might be thirsty. He takes a couple sips and he's done. I can get him to take about 1.5 bottles a day if I'm creative. And I am. ;-)
So, what does this mean for me? Well, it means that I am not a slave to my pump at midnight when I really just want to go to sleep and I'm hating every second of being stuck to that thing. It means that I can get ready for bed... and GO to bed. It means a little more freedom from the machine that I have loved to hate for almost a year. But it means something else... and that's the part that has been difficult for me. It means my baby is growing up and quite honestly, doesn't need me the way he used to.
You'd think that this being my 5th baby I'd be a pro at these transitions, but I'm going to be frank here. I'm a wuss. I'm not the Mom who looks forward to my babies growing up and going to school. I'm the crazy Mom in a housecoat and fuzzy slippers chasing the school bus down the road waving maniacally and blowing kisses to my mortfied children trying to hide in their seats. I'm the Mom who tucks my kids in every night and then stands outside their door wondering if they'll always want just one more kiss. I'm the Mom who nurses my babies for 2 yearsm through the night, while they're sick, while I'm sick, while I'm pregnant with the next baby... and sick. I'm the Mom who has to be and do everything for my babies... and this baby has taught me to let go a little.
So, I'm doing just that. I'm letting go of that nighttime pump. I'm letting my baby decide that he wants to grow up faster than I want him to. I'm giving myself a little break... until tomorrow morning!
Monday, January 11, 2010
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